Have you ever experienced a feeling of complete and utter chaos to the point to which you didn't know who to turn to? AND, on top of that, try to bury it along with other issues to promote the image that you're strong and unbreakable? Have you wondered what is going on in other people's minds because you're just not prioritizing life's curve balls the way they are...
I mean, I haven't felt that way or anything...TOTALLY joking. Since August 29th, when I lost my grandfather, I've been on a road full of changes and realizations. I thought I was going crazy. I thought no one could understand the feelings running through my mind. I felt at such a loss that I couldn't even put into words what I was experiencing. I felt like all of my leaves had been ripped away...my happiness was depleted.
I wanted to shake people and wake them up to what's actually important. But, I knew I couldn't do that for the sake of keeping my job and my own sanity. And, finally...I let a calm take the place of all the anxiety, darkness, and fear. I let God in.
I'm not saying it wasn't a process of getting there, but at the end of the day, "in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 56:11)
I see asking for help as a weak point, but now I realize that it's not. I'm responsible for me, no one else. And "me" is important!
I went to a doctor to see if there was anything they could help with concerning my anxiety. Yeah there was! Medication! I don't want to be one of "those" people who have to take medicine for panic attacks or anxiety. So, I have the bottle...at home, in the medicine cabinet, collecting dust, sitting pretty. I don't NEED medicine, so I figured that I needed someone to finally "get" my points, my ramblings if you will.
I went to a counselor. It was very therapeutic. She's also a Christian which really helped me. I know now that I wasn't crazy. What a superb release THAT was!
The amount of balls this juggler had up in the air was just too overwhelming. There were family discussions going on, stressful situations in each area of my life, nothing seemed to be going "right".
Change is inevitable. I know that. I embrace that. But, at the same time, we are allowed to fall off of our pedestals of perfection, or pedestals that other's have built for us.
I've always said that work wouldn't be my "life" and I felt for the last 4 or 5 months, that it was my life. I am very grateful to have my job. But, again, I don't want it to consume me like it has done lately. And, by no means is this job my "dream" job. It's just not...it's turned into something I had no idea it would turn into! My priorities have gotten straightened out a bit now. Does that make me less of an employee? Heck to the no! I love seeing my customer happy. But more importantly, it means that I've let God back in...it means that from these last few weeks, He's grown me even when I didn't know that is what He was doing. God can be veddy veddy sneaky, but He truly does work all things out for the good.
I love Him and I'm glad He's back in.
I mean, I haven't felt that way or anything...TOTALLY joking. Since August 29th, when I lost my grandfather, I've been on a road full of changes and realizations. I thought I was going crazy. I thought no one could understand the feelings running through my mind. I felt at such a loss that I couldn't even put into words what I was experiencing. I felt like all of my leaves had been ripped away...my happiness was depleted.
I wanted to shake people and wake them up to what's actually important. But, I knew I couldn't do that for the sake of keeping my job and my own sanity. And, finally...I let a calm take the place of all the anxiety, darkness, and fear. I let God in.
I'm not saying it wasn't a process of getting there, but at the end of the day, "in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 56:11)
I see asking for help as a weak point, but now I realize that it's not. I'm responsible for me, no one else. And "me" is important!
I went to a doctor to see if there was anything they could help with concerning my anxiety. Yeah there was! Medication! I don't want to be one of "those" people who have to take medicine for panic attacks or anxiety. So, I have the bottle...at home, in the medicine cabinet, collecting dust, sitting pretty. I don't NEED medicine, so I figured that I needed someone to finally "get" my points, my ramblings if you will.
I went to a counselor. It was very therapeutic. She's also a Christian which really helped me. I know now that I wasn't crazy. What a superb release THAT was!
The amount of balls this juggler had up in the air was just too overwhelming. There were family discussions going on, stressful situations in each area of my life, nothing seemed to be going "right".
Change is inevitable. I know that. I embrace that. But, at the same time, we are allowed to fall off of our pedestals of perfection, or pedestals that other's have built for us.
I've always said that work wouldn't be my "life" and I felt for the last 4 or 5 months, that it was my life. I am very grateful to have my job. But, again, I don't want it to consume me like it has done lately. And, by no means is this job my "dream" job. It's just not...it's turned into something I had no idea it would turn into! My priorities have gotten straightened out a bit now. Does that make me less of an employee? Heck to the no! I love seeing my customer happy. But more importantly, it means that I've let God back in...it means that from these last few weeks, He's grown me even when I didn't know that is what He was doing. God can be veddy veddy sneaky, but He truly does work all things out for the good.
I love Him and I'm glad He's back in.
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