bits & pieces

Bits & Pieces: CHANGE

I've learned a lot about myself over the last few months. It's amazing that God can grow you even when you think you've got it all figured out...all the puzzle pieces fit perfectly where you want them, each in their perfect tiny chosen spots. All is well with the world, until you hear the rippling winds of inevitable change. There are times when you are forced to go through a change and I've been heavily hurled through the ring of change lately.


I understand that people aren't meant to carry my hurt...or anyone else's for that matter because, let's be honest, it's enough for just one to carry, but let alone adding the burden to other's...it just gets to be a hot mess.


So, in that understanding, I've also let go of wondering why some don't get me...that I strive to be loving, attempt often to be all-giving, loyal, and accepting. Trust me, I'm not trying to win anyone's accolades here, but I have gained, over time, an understanding heart that I'm glad God could help grow me into...


When someone doesn't value you or seem to get your feelings, or your cries for help, pray for them, talk to them, but then...move on instead of setting your heart up to get split open once more. Sure it hurts, it rips deeply into your soul, tears are shed, but discernment is a great friend.


Losing my aunt has been heart wrenching. Remembering her, as she was, makes it even more difficult to process. She was often more of a mother to me than an aunt. She was the one who accompanied me to Atlanta airport to pick up Jason for the first time, the one who encouraged my singing, loved me unconditionally, sang like an angel, shot out bath and body works lotion into my nostrils at the mall...I could go on and on. Knowing you can't call someone, can't hear their voice is just a curse on certain days, those days that you yearn for their input. But, then I find that beautiful solace in the Lord and that sweet peace that passes understanding...

Bits & Pieces: MINISTRY

Is the church a family or a separate entity in direct competition with one another? It's one of the most sad things to me that it sways to the latter option. Belief in God is considered foundational to faith and a faith-filled life is the only way that anyone can please God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. -Hebrews 11:6. The Bible clearly states that everyone will one day proclaim that Jesus is Lord. This will bring glory to God, the Father. This confession is understood to imply that there is, as God first proclaimed, no other god beside him.

9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father. -Philippians 2:9-11.

Recently, my pastor gave us the opportunity to sign up for a ministry area if we felt the calling on our lives to do so...the first round, in my mind, is to get us involved with the ministries already being in existence. I signed up to help with the high school kids. I can't WAIT to see what God has in store with that and helping out photography-wise in the church.

It's SO vital to be IN the ministry AND a people-person btw. Can you really have one without the other? It's sad when my atheist husband out-pours more attention, love, and understanding than churched folks! Amen? And the people shouted...

Bits and Pieces: MOLDING

Touched on earlier, the amazement that God still grows me, especially in times when I think I'm done, is purely glorious. I serve an awesome God, One that loves us TRULY where we are. If we strive to be more Christ-like, we truly should open our arms, our lives to this world...and continue to accept His guidance in placement of the out of place puzzle pieces <3

Run Tell DAT!

I think one of the most awesomely beautiful things about having a relationship with God is that He can continue growing you IF you let Him. Just when we think we're too big for our own pants, we discover how unbelievably wrong we were. I often discover how corrupt, rotten to the bone, and truly unworthy I am of His saving grace. But, that’s the beauty of God. He LOVES me where I am. Through that realization though comes REVELATION. I have had a lot of time to think lately since the hubby and I (well, mostly him) have been sprucing up the house.

Wow, I’ve realized I have a LOT of STUFF. Stuff that has clogged up my own so-called décor style. So, I’m downsizing. Getting rid of the clutter. And, it’s GREAT!

What I’ve realized through this so far is that, we as a nation especially, are SO in over our heads. Not only with debt, but THINGS. Possessions. Clutter.

How many milk glass vases can I have? Apparently, 15. Yes, I said FIFTEEN.

About 2 years ago, I started begging Jason to go house hunting because we didn’t have our “dream home”. I wanted it to be just like I wanted it to be…stainless steel appliances, hardwood throughout, charming, clawfoot tub in at least ONE bathroom, etc. When we started looking, we quickly discovered that everything seemed to be out of our budget or too big of a hot mess to take on at the time. I told God in my prayer time that I couldn’t understand why I should feel so bad for wanting a nice home, a nice place to kick off my shoes and start a family in soon.

Here’s what I learned…

What I have is a home. It’s where your heart is…it’s where your family is…it’s not self indulging. When I look back on my house hunting days, I realize how selfish I was and how UNHAPPY I was with what God had blessed me with already. I know He wants increase for us, but at the same time, He calls for us to be more Christ-like. I’m not perfect by ANY means, but the lesson I’ve learned is that I am beyond blessed to have a roof over my head and the ability to take up some old carpet to put down hardwood laminate.

Now I know, I’d rather pay off my debts first and not be a slave to any one or any company.

I’ve also learned to downsize in other areas such as cosmetics! That’s right. I’m a Sephora addict. I take that back. I WAS a Sephora addict. Now, I still get giddy when I get a new ad in the mailbox, but I know too that I have 87 different lipglosses to choose from and I don’t need to “treat myself to just this one thing” because I deserve it.

I don’t need to “treat myself to just this one thing” because it’s 50% off. Here’s why:

#1. We probably don’t need it. Yeah, I’m talking to you too. Whatever you’re obsessed with that will make yourself look better or more accomplished or just to feel better. Trust! It IS a high for me to shop.
#2. Do you already have it??? Do you? Seriously, a new pair of heels? You have them already.
#3. What could you do with that money to better serve this world? Give to the humane society, help the church with a new endeavor, sacrifice for someone other than yourself? SAVE the money for your future?
#4. God don’t like greedy. Trust. God’s working on me with this. I’ve made promises to Him that I intend to keep concerning debt & giving. It’s a hard road to travel, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that He knows my heart.

Jesus warned, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions” (Luke 12:15). “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal… You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:19 and 24). Did Jesus pursue the acquisition of money? No. On the contrary, He became poor for our sake (2 Corinthians 8:9) and had “no place to lay his head” (Matthew 8:20).

So, that new car that you need because it’s cute…no you don’t. Is your’s still running? Okay then, you’re MORE than fine. You’re blessed. This nation is blessed and we take life for granted every second of just about every day.

Be thankful for what you have now. Look at the person that you pass in Atlanta asking for a handout…ask yourself later, when you’re at Cheesecake Factory if you should have maybe given him that $5.

Run tell DAT!

A Week

It's been a week today...actually, 13 minutes ago from the time I am starting to type these words. I'm so tremendously thankful that Jason's on the road to improvement.

God, I praise You not only in the good, but in the storms...and in those storms, You have such a beautiful way of producing such beauty still...You're amazing.

Oh yeah, while I took the update pictures, I realized I look like Elphaba in my green mask. Hmmmm...Halloween costume?

Jason Hearts Puffy Socks

I had an interesting weekend to say the least. We went to the Valley High football game Friday night. After Valley was up 30 something to 0 at halftime, we went ahead and left for home. On the way home, I called in some yummy Waffle House. We stopped by Video Warehouse and rent three movies. Jason kept talking about wanting to go hunting in the morning because it was opening day of rifle season in Georgia. He said that he wanted to get some good sleep, but he needed to clean all his guns.

Jason’s always in a hurry. He eats fast because working for a surveying company, you learn to eat quickly and live out of a truck. When we get home, I complain because he begins to bring all his gun “things” into the living room.

Back at the ranch, Bill Maher, one of his favorites, was coming on. It was 11 p.m. I remember feeling yucky because I was eating Waffle House at such a late time, but then again, isn’t Waffle House so much better late into the night?

I remember telling Jason, “Oh yay! My boyfriend John Legend is on Bill Maher!” He was focused on his gun stuff though and didn’t really comment. All I remember next is my head buzzing and looking back on it, seemingly slow motion as I discovered what had just happened.

I couldn’t hear. I don’t know how long, but it seemed like a while. I figured out that Jason was yelling at me to call 9-1-1. At that point, thinking how I couldn’t hear, I figured he had accidentally shot me and that’s why I couldn’t hear. I was sitting about 5 feet away from him on the love seat while he was on the couch. Then I saw blood. At the time, a drop would seem like a gallon to me. I remember it being on the floor, but not even worrying about the carpet. Jason was screaming for me to grab something to stop the blood. Leave it to me….I grabbed a…

Dish towel.

I did. I grabbed a dish towel. He said, with some expletives, that the dish towel would not work. I grabbed a bath towel and leaned down to him to help. But then he said we needed to make a tourniquet and to get his belt. So, I located a belt and he wrapped it around his leg.

Oh yeah, during my running around, I was on the phone with 9-1-1 screaming that my husband had shot himself accidentally while cleaning his …glock. Yes, it was his glock. Okay, I don’t know a lot about guns, but I knew he wasn’t going hunting with a glock. But, it just so happened that while he was gathering all that gun stuff, he figured he should clean this one as well.

A glock sucks in my humble opinion as of 11:06 p.m. et Friday October 15, 2010. I learned that disassembling and cleaning it means that the trigger has to be pulled. What Jason didn’t realize was that the magazine that he was looking at IN his case wasn’t the only one; he had TWO for this gun. When he looked in the chamber, there was nothing there. What he didn’t know was that there was a magazine in the gun. His speedy gun cleaning had now turned into our worst nightmare.

A 9 mm hydro shock hollow point plus P (I have no idea if this net out of verbiage is correct…LOL) entered my husband’s inner thigh, out the other side and into our leather couch.

Everything else is bit of a blur to me. I did call my mom and apparently told her that Jason had shot himself. Not clarifying that it was an accident til later. I laugh now looking back on that. I called my neighbor after 9-1-1 because I knew I needed people around me. We have the best neighbors in the world.
One thing we learned is that the ambulance/EMT’s can’t come “to” the house until the police arrive. While I understand the policy, in our scenario, it sucked! We heard the ambulance about ten minutes before the police arrived and they parked a few houses down. Really?!

I called 9-1-1 back not knowing the policy and screamed that they were at the wrong house and surely they had figured that out by now. I told them who my dad was as well and asked if they could get in touch with him. I had no idea if he was on duty, but I couldn’t get service on my blackberry at this point.

I’ll break the next scary moments down in a few short sentences:
I rode in the front of the ambulance.
I watched Jason shaking on the stretcher like a horror movie victim which scared me though I had the fire chief and the EMT driving say that it was just his adrenaline compensating for blood loss, etc.
I tried numerous times to call people, but my blackberry was toast. It wouldn’t work until we were nearly at EAMC.

At the hospital, there were apparently 2 specialists waiting to examine Jason’s condition before leaving for the evening. Praise GOD ALMIGHTY that he missed the femoral artery (though we were pretty sure that was missed because the blood loss wasn’t massive). No bone was touched. Praise GOD! There could be nerve damage and the bullet made its way through the muscle. And, there is shrapnel as well, but after we saw what will become Jason’s good dr friend (I sure hope…bc good dr friend looks JUST like Jason Bateman…and yes, I was checking the dr out after Jason was in the “safe zone”.) Dr. Foster, he stated that he’s not concerned with the shrapnel. Oh, also (sorry I stink at telling stories), the Dr. said he wouldn’t have used staples, but that of course he couldn’t “undo” that now. Jason has crutches too-they suck. Jason and the crutches are not friends.

As I sat there with Jason, I realized that he truly is the love of my life. Not that I didn’t know that before, but the situation puts things into perspective. I love this man so much that it can’t be measured. I know that’s normal for you to say if you’re in a happy marriage, but I really can’t fully express what he is to me. He’s the most intelligent man I know…most handsome…his sweet moments compensate for all the times he’s not Mr. Touchy Feely. He can do anything…I mean anything. From baking me THE most beautiful Hello Kitty cake to designing his own crown molding, answering strange questions (at least to me) on Jeopardy, to making his own camera remote to take pictures so he didn’t have to buy one…I mean C’MON! To me, feeling how much I love him leads me to the pure beautiful knowledge that God paired us to be here on earth together.

I will keep everyone updated on his injury. Thank you again for your prayers, kind words, visits, and love. It has meant a lot to us for sure. Oh, and Jason if you ever read this, you owe me for cleaning your leg guts from the couch arm, wall, and dvd player.

Love,
Your Wife

P.S.
You KNOW I got pictures. WARNING: they can be considered gross, so if you’re a pansy, stop reading/looking NOW! You were warned :) I kept the super gross one's out...you're welcome!


some of the mess on the living room floor :(

Entry & Exit wounds (not too good of a job on the staples IMO)

The patient resting talking to friends and family after we got home Saturday afternoon...


What the bullet did to our couch.........
A fully intact bullet and the one that went through Jason's leg and couch...
He become quite a fan of these snuggle muffin socks in the hospital:
Stupid bullet.
His hand injury......

True Story

This is the true story of my morning.

I got up at 7 a.m. (true story) so that I could get to my actual office AT work by 8 because I knew I was behind on a lot of follow up items.

Earlier in the early hours, I heard Jason get up and go watch t.v. I also observed that Trip was crying in his cage. This did not alarm me because
a.) he loves Jason more than his food which he literally eats within seconds
b.) he loves Jason more than smelling of Dixie (and my) butt
c.) SURELY Jason would pay attention to his beloved lab and
d.) my sleep was super good and I was having a really good dream about James McAvoy (okay not really, but wishful thinking may make this happen for me…sorry Jason)

Once I get up, I selflessly, like a good doggy mother, disregard my needs (great urge to urinate, brush my teeth, and clean the crust from my lazy eyes) and go take care of Dixie and Trip. I also subconsciously think that this is great practice for when I’m a mother to a human creation. I pat myself on the back lots of mornings for this selfless act of pure love. This is right before I curse at Trip for irritating me to no end.

I open his cage and TA DAAAAAAAAAAA…he suddenly ejects himself from the cage as if he were Pamela Anderson on Baywatch shaking her head in figure 8-type movements to rid of herself of ocean water. Except…it.wasn’t.ocean.water. IT was PEE! Pee, pee, pee, peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee all OVER the place. There’s PEE EVERYWHERE (see Bob Saget in Dumb and Dumberer for his version btw).

I quickly guide him to the front door to rid myself of this peeing piece of crap monster dog. How DARE I sacrifice my morning routine for you dog!

Have I mentioned I’m naked? Because I am. Well, I am. And somehow I forget this and open the front door to let him run free. He continues Pamela Anderson’ing from his cage to the front door and tracks the “stuff” on the carpet.

I realize I’m naked at some point. And I run to go throw clothes on quickly and efficiently. This action item consisted of me putting on a bathing suit cover-up, that isn’t very “covery”.

Pulling Trip’s cage out is a task in itself and he runs in once I open the front door and shakes again. Now, I’m ½ dressed and drenched in dog pee. Fun times.

Once the cage is in the back yard, I turn the hose pipe switch from sprinkler mode. Then, the cold water shoots out quickly into my eyeballs, nose, and mouth. This gets better I promise. I bend over to begin washing out the cage and realize that my cover-up is tucked into something…into an area…that’s all I’m saying. I’m just thankful my wonderful neighbor, Mr. Johnny, wasn’t outside. Or maybe he was and just knew not to scream, “CRYSTAL, YOUR BATHING SUIT COVER-UP IS TUCKED INTO YOUR CHEEKS!”

I gave Trip a shower and cursed him some more, then I showered (no, not with him). I’m clean now. And, I’ve completed most of my “to do” items. Does this mean I’m ready for motherhood? Wait, I’m naked again…
JUST KIDDING

He's back in

Have you ever experienced a feeling of complete and utter chaos to the point to which you didn't know who to turn to? AND, on top of that, try to bury it along with other issues to promote the image that you're strong and unbreakable? Have you wondered what is going on in other people's minds because you're just not prioritizing life's curve balls the way they are...

I mean, I haven't felt that way or anything...TOTALLY joking. Since August 29th, when I lost my grandfather, I've been on a road full of changes and realizations. I thought I was going crazy. I thought no one could understand the feelings running through my mind. I felt at such a loss that I couldn't even put into words what I was experiencing. I felt like all of my leaves had been ripped away...my happiness was depleted.

I wanted to shake people and wake them up to what's actually important. But, I knew I couldn't do that for the sake of keeping my job and my own sanity. And, finally...I let a calm take the place of all the anxiety, darkness, and fear. I let God in.

I'm not saying it wasn't a process of getting there, but at the end of the day, "in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Psalm 56:11)

I see asking for help as a weak point, but now I realize that it's not. I'm responsible for me, no one else. And "me" is important!

I went to a doctor to see if there was anything they could help with concerning my anxiety. Yeah there was! Medication! I don't want to be one of "those" people who have to take medicine for panic attacks or anxiety. So, I have the bottle...at home, in the medicine cabinet, collecting dust, sitting pretty. I don't NEED medicine, so I figured that I needed someone to finally "get" my points, my ramblings if you will.

I went to a counselor. It was very therapeutic. She's also a Christian which really helped me. I know now that I wasn't crazy. What a superb release THAT was!

The amount of balls this juggler had up in the air was just too overwhelming. There were family discussions going on, stressful situations in each area of my life, nothing seemed to be going "right".

Change is inevitable. I know that. I embrace that. But, at the same time, we are allowed to fall off of our pedestals of perfection, or pedestals that other's have built for us.

I've always said that work wouldn't be my "life" and I felt for the last 4 or 5 months, that it was my life. I am very grateful to have my job. But, again, I don't want it to consume me like it has done lately. And, by no means is this job my "dream" job. It's just not...it's turned into something I had no idea it would turn into! My priorities have gotten straightened out a bit now. Does that make me less of an employee? Heck to the no! I love seeing my customer happy. But more importantly, it means that I've let God back in...it means that from these last few weeks, He's grown me even when I didn't know that is what He was doing. God can be veddy veddy sneaky, but He truly does work all things out for the good.

I love Him and I'm glad He's back in.

Technology Pockettt

So, technology has evolved apparently and I have been eating dust. And rolling around in it and thumping dust boogers from my fingers.

Believe it or not though, I'm OKAY with not being completely nerdy or teched out. If my Granddaddy could get by on not having a computer all of his life, surely I can survive without knowing the difference between MP3 and MP4. Or, without having the newest phone gadget, application, bluetooth device, etc. I'm OKAY with living with what I already have at my fingertips.

Don't get me wrong...I love learning how to apply new processes, procedures, etc. But, I think we get so consumed with keeping up with the Job's (as in Steve Jobs) that we forget the small things. Heck, even kid toys are now uber sophisticated. What happened to just a normal Huggin's doll like I had in the 80's? Heck YEAH I know they're scarier than a monster hiding under your bed, but they were AWESOME to play with back then!

What about the toys of today? Some make an "attempt" at being "vintage" or glances at the earlier days, but seriously...Barbie’s best friend, Midge, was preggers and I'm sorry, but the baby bump was just all.too.scurry (that's right, scurryyy). Leave Barbie alone...

See how I avoided real computer technological advances discussion this whole time?

But, seriously. I want to make it in a world that seemed just fine like Granddaddy suggested...no t.v., time with one another, & reading the "good book".